Twilight - How Edward Cullen Stole My Wife

So the other night I am trying to get some affection from my wife.  Snuggling up, saying the right things, so on and so on.  I thought I was in there for sure!!  What do I get in response??  "Not right now I'm reading Twilight"!!

I couldn't believe it.  Edward Cullen had stolen my wife.  What made it even worse is that this is the second time in probably a month that she has read the damn thing!!!!  So either I just don't have the magic anymore or this Edward fella is pretty damn good.

She has become obsessive about this whole Twilight phenomena.  Everything Twilight she is reading, watching or talking about.  All of her friends and co-workers are into it too.  They text and facebook about how hot Edward is and how much of a bitch Bella is.  It just goes on and on and on!!

It isn't just Edward that has stolen my wife.  It is this Rob Pattison dude.  Just like almost every other woman around thinks he is sooooo hot...sooooo sexy.  Really?  Can they really be serious?  Now no offense to Rob Pattison, but doesn't he look like one of those cartoon character thugs?  You know, the ones with the flat faces, big chins and foreheads that just go on forever?  He just isn't big and brawny.  And if all the bullshit gossip rags are telling the truth he stinks!!!  How can she find this hot and sexy???  She tells me its his eyes.  I don't know.  I really don't.

I will admit I have seen the movie and read Twilight and New Moon and part of Eclipse.  Not a bad read, but I just don't have it in me to finish it.  No desire..none.  I have to say I think it is Edward's fault.  

Am I jealous? 

Ya...I probably am.  I can admit it!  I need my wife back!!  Let her go Edward...Let Her Go!!!!!

Please??

The Flick Guru